I hate my hands.
I understand that bodyhate and poor self-image are totally uncool, and I struggle to accept my hands as they are, but seriously, my hands are pretty ratchet. I do not like my tiny, chubby, stubby extremities. I yearn for other women’s long, graceful fingers and perfect nail beds while woefully giving my own clumsy mitts some harsh side-eye. Because of these phalangeal insecurities, I try to make my hands as unobtrusive as possible. That means steering clear of bright polishes and coating my claws with something easy and neutral.*
Here’s where L’Oréal Paris Colour Riche Long Wear Nail Polish in Mauvelous comes into play. I picked mine up at Bartell’s Drugstore for about $6, but you can find it pretty much anywhere. Don’t be fooled by plummy-looking swatch on L’oréal’s site; it’s a perfect cool neutral* with slight pink undertones.
Minor gripe: the consistency is a bit thick and difficult to apply in even coats. My tips to dealing with this are:
- don’t shake the bottle (for realsies, roll the bottle between your palms or it’s gonna be bubble city up in this bitch), and
- outline your nail with petrolium jelly or scotch tape before applying to minimize transference to the skin around your nail (or not; I did neither of these things to my nails in the above photo and it turned out looking like I was only a little bit drunk when I painted them) (I was).
The consistency issue isn’t a dealbreaker for me. It’s a $6 polish; you can’t expect as smooth an application as you get with a Chanel lacquer. That said, the viscosity doesn’t change much over time. I’ve had this bottle for almost 2 years and it hasn’t noticeably thickened. So, it’s got that going for it. Which is nice.
While the formula claims magical long-wearing powers lasting up to 10 days, it doesn’t quite deliver on those lofty goals. That said, it does wear pretty well. I’m rough on my nails (picking, biting, typing, pulling staples, peeling labels–pretty much all the things a manicurist can chide you for doing) and I didn’t notice any major chipping until around day 6 (in conjunction with using Sally Hansen Hard as Wraps in Clear as both base and top coat). Even then, it wasn’t bothersome enough to warrant removal until day 7.
While this particular shade is probably a bit too dark for my pale Seattleite skin, I imagine it would be flattering on a wide variety of tones. The formula is about what you’d expect for $6, and it stayed put through some tough shit. 8/10, would recommend.
*Note: I will not use the word “nude” to describe a color on this site, because I find that it’s often a poor stand-in for “white people skin tone.” I will do my best to use less vague terms that give some idea of undertone (cool/warm), transparency (sheer/opaque) and shade (dark/light/medium). Check your privilege, etc.